Dealing with PCOS and how it has affected my life

How does having PCOS affect my life? I get this question quite a bit from friends and family. It’s hard to explain sometimes because a lot of people don’t know the meaning behind PCOS and what it causes for a woman. All I ever want to say is “It’s hard, you wouldn’t understand.” Sometimes that is what I say because I choose not to go through the emotional drawbacks from it later. But for those that I trust whom is mostly my husband, sister, and my mother, they really listen to me and try to understand. I have had a lot of negative comments from some people and it really hurt me. A lot of people don’t realize that Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome IS a disease and therefor can cause a lot of problems for a woman.

 

Okay, sorry for rambling. On to the question. Lets start from the begining shall we? Once upon a time..haha just kidding. I’m trying not to make this a sappy, depressing story. In 6th grade, us females got to skip class and go watch a boring film and gross film on when a girl gets her period. Not what most of us wanted to do. Once that was over we all got some feminine products and deodorant that we can take home. Some of the girls had already got theirs and they started bragging about how they were starting to grow boobs. For me, that didn’t happen until I hit 8th grade. My first period on Christmas. I thought I was dying because I was bleeding and I ran to my mom asking what was wrong with me. I look back at that and laugh. So time went by, I was finally in high school, I had a boyfriend… A typical high school girl. I started realizing I never had a period hardly and when I would it only came every 6 months to a year. I though this was normal. I never spoke to my mom about this because I was embarrassed to speak to anyone about it. This went on for a very long time even after graduating high school. I finally met a guy who is now my husband Josh. He is an amazing man! I finally had the courage to have a pap done. All was normal there until my ovaries starting hurting really bad and I was bleeding for 5 weeks or longer! This was not normal from what my other periods were like. So I made an appointment with an OB/GYN close to home. I needed answers. On that day of February 2012, I found out I had PCOS. I was horrified. This was exactly what I did not want to hear. My husband and I were trying for a baby and I knew something was wrong when I wasn’t getting pregnant. I went in, I had an ultrasound done to check my uterus and ovaries. The lining is built up and my ovaries have cysts. Blood work was normal but I felt like he wasn’t doing enough to help me. He even forgot to come back and give me my medicine I was suppose to take.

 

I started on clomid after my first round of provera to make me have a period. Never really had any side affects of the clomid but I didn’t end up pregnant. I was heartbroken. I did ovulate on my first round which was good news but to find out if I was pregnant would of been better news. Time went by that we gave up trying because I was an emotional wreck and my husband starting working out of state more for 2 weeks at a time and I only saw him for 5 days so it was very hard to try to conceive. I finally made an appointment with a different doctor who specializes in infertility and PCOS. What a relief it was for me to change doctors. Dr. Wood has worked with me one on one to find out everything and has done an amazing job explaining things I didn’t understand. I was in tears when he looked at me and said “You will have that baby and I will do everything to help you.” I have never felt more relieved.

 

It has been a really long, emotional, journey for not only me but my husband. He hates seeing me go through this. I am in pain almost everyday due to the cysts on my ovaries and the pressure in my uterus but my husband has been there for me every step of the way. I’m a firm believer in faith and I know God has a plan for everyone. Mine is just a little difficult right now. The biggest thing for me that is unbearably hard for me is being around women who are pregnant, have children, and going to baby showers. It is SO HARD! It’s hard for me to control my feelings and emotions. I never use to be like this until I was diagnosed. I’ve been told that being jealous and don’t want to be around other moms is normal. I hate feeling like this. When my sister in law got pregnant I hated her so much and felt so much hate and anger towards her that I really hurt her feelings due to my anger. That was the only thing I did not want to happen. I’m the oldest out of my husbands family and I really wanted to be the first to give my mother and my husband’s mother the first grandchild. I’m still upset over it to this day and it’s hard to be around her and the baby. It’s hard seeing everyone loving on her and saying how precious she is. But I have to live with it. So how has PCOS affected me? It’s affected my life in a bad way and a good way. It’s made me and my husband closer than ever from everything we have been through. Having PCOS has taught me to love myself and my imperfections. To make sure I’m healthy and that I stay that way. Life is too short so I try to keep my mind busy. I feel for every women who has PCOS because it’s hard..it really is. No women will tell you it’s a good experience. The one thing that does help me is to talk to women who have it. It helps me cope knowing I’m not alone in this and that I will get through it. I was reading my bible one day about Sarah and how she could not bare a child but God gave her a child. I rely so much on God and I have my days of doubt that I will never have a child because I get so emotionally overwhelmed. But one thing I always tell myself is to have faith.